Shortly after God led the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt, they started complaining that life was better back in slavery than on their way to the promised land. Every time I read this I think how ridiculous these people are. They just witnessed God instantaneously starting and stopping all these plagues in response to Pharoah's actions. They just saw Him hold back tons of water so they could cross a sea only to see the waters suddenly released to swallow up their pursuers. And at that time they praised God for doing these things. But a few weeks later we find them grumbling in hunger: "If only we had died by the Lord's hand in Egypt!". How fickle! Where's their faith? Don't they remember what God did? Don't they know what God is doing?
Those are my usual thoughts about the Israelites. Today I'm not quite as harsh on them. The last couple of weeks, anyone who cared (and some who didn't) listened to me go on about how excited I am to be leading worship for my Bible study and how God has been using that to strengthen my faith, to trust Him more, to pray more, and on and on. He has made Himself so evident to me in so many little ways, it has been amazing. And, the worship times have been going amazingly great. Well, today's worship time was a little off--nothing went wrong, it just wasn't amazing, like the last few weeks have been. That's all it took for me, like the Israelites wanting to go back to Egypt to die because of a little hunger, all day I've been battling these thoughts about how terrible today went (it wasn't terrible) and how ridiculous it is for me to be doing this (I know this is where God wants me). Occasionally I remember my excitement from just yesterday. That helps. Then I realized that I was acting like the Israelites in the desert. How fickle! Where's my faith? Don't I remember what God did? Don't I know what God is doing? No, I don't always know what God is doing, but I do remember what He did. And I'm going to have to operate on that, not on my irrational hungry-Israelite thinking.
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3 comments:
Perhaps it wasn't amazing for you, but it's quite possible, and highly probable, that it was totally amazing for someone else in the room (or even several people). I struggle with the same issue. I try to hear what God is saying to me, trying to show me, or teach me in every situation, and sometimes feel let down or disappointed when I don't feel that "rocky mountain high". Then I realize how many times I think about ME, and have to consider that maybe it wasn't about ME so much as how HE could work through me to reach someone else. As you can see, you are not alone in your hungry-Israelite thinking. I'm right there with ya, babe! Hang in there!
Thanks for the encouragement April! No matter how many times I remind myself it's not all about me, I find another way to make it all about me!!! I hope, as you suggested, that it was good for someone there, even if I didn't think it was.
It was great. I mean I know you expect a Carnegie Hall performance;) but I thought it was wonderful.
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