Fantasy Football Fun

My brother-in-law, Gabe, started a fantasy football league for my family this year. I had never participated in one before and I'm always up for any sort of competition, so I signed up and put together my team. It's nothing like real football: I beat my husband and lost to my mother. But it's a lot of fun. We (well about half of the ten of us) do a lot of smack talking against whoever we're playing the next week. This week I'm up against Gabe, the king of smack talk, so there has been some fun and friendly banter between us that I thought you might enjoy reading. My team is UnnecessaryRoughness and his team is the Killer Chameleons. (And this is all in good fun.)

From: UnnecessaryRoughness
Title: Dearest Gabe...
Message: What is that old saying? Pride comes before what? Ah yes: Pride comes before a fall. One good score and it all goes to your head. Please don't fool yourself into forgetting the previous seven weeks, brother-in-law. I'd hate for you to make a fool of yourself and you're newly named team. Your team reminds me a bit of Brett Favre's performance: He feels the pressure, plays a good game and then gets overconfident and throws a few interceptions. But what am I doing comparing your piecemeal team with one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time? Oh yeah, and Favre should be feeling the pressure this week and put up a pretty good score. Maybe I should just play him alone to give you a good chance of winning.

From: Killer Chameleons
Title: sara, sara, sara...
Message: i don't want you to get confused and think that just because my team has a bunch of people you've never heard of, that they aren't still powerful. clearly you are a bit confused, however, if you think that favre is going to get you any more wins this year. if you think throwing five interceptions in one game is good, then please, by all means, start him this week and let's see what happens. let's just say that i have a feeling this is the week where i finally climb out of the 'Starbucks Card' hole...i've kept the spot warm for you, though, so i hope you enjoy 9th place!
Your respectful bro-in-law,
gabe

From: UnnecessaryRoughness
Title: To Gabe
Message: Gabe, you may have just had a birthday but it is evident that you are still so young. To say that I don't know any of your players is inaccurate. In fact, I know a couple of them well enough that I dumped them off of my team to get rid of dead weight. But if they are the players you deem best, well, then, I certainly won't stop you from playing them. On another note, it saddens me so to see the league commissioner struggling just to get out of ninth place while the rest of us are trying to win the jackpot. Such pity brings to my mind thoughts of throwing this match so that you can keep your dignity. But I'm sure you wouldn't accept such charity. So, if by some chance you do win this week, you can be sure that it was by your own good luck.

From: Killer Chameleons
Title: let me tell you a thing or two about luck...
Message: Luck is drafting Tomlinson in an autodraft and coasting on his back through the fantasy football season, thinking that somehow that makes you good at this game (yes curtis, i have dragged you back into this). It takes a lot more than luck to sort through leftovers on the waiverwire and piece together a team that is good enough to not only replace injuries to your #1 wr and rb, but also to put together a 100-point performance with those same players - the players who other managers mistook for worthless. Yes, Sara, it takes a lot more than luck to see potential in someone who others think is dead weight'. And it takes more than luck to realize that Brett Favre is past his prime and probably shouldn't be drafted in the first round. And finally, it takes a lot more than luck to smack-talk everyone you play when you have arguably the worst team in the league (I may be bad, but I will not be silent!)... No, Sara, it takes what we call skill to do all of these things, and this weekend you will get an up-close experience with some of the mad skills that I am talking about... Enjoy the lesson!
Your teacher,
Gabe

From: UnnecessaryRoughness
Title: Pick a game and play it
Message: If you are trying to win the smack talk game (for which there are no monetary or Starbuck's prizes) then you are definitely a frontrunner, Gabe. But if you are going to take such pride in your smack performances you can at least grant us all the privilege of hearing some new material instead of a rehash of previous weeks' talk. Of course, I understand if you just can't think of anything bad to say against my team and that's why you have to go back to smacking Curtis. Not that it makes a difference in the game the rest of us are playing: I expect Curtis's and my teams will both score more than yours this week.